"You Matter"

"You Matter." These two simple words can make such a tremendous difference to someone. In her TED talk, posted below, Angela Maiers points out just how easy it can be to make someone feel important. We all share a deep need to feel significant, to be important, yet it is so rare for someone to tell another person that they matter. If everyone has this same desire, why is it so hard for us to communicate it with one another? Angela carries around a notebook and writes down things that she notices - what she sees people (adults and children) doing, and then she goes up to them and tells them "hey, you matter, and here's why - I noticed that you ..." It could be "helped a friend in math class," for example. Angela suggests that we should all do this. Tell someone they are a genius and it will change their mood and how they feel about themselves. She argues that it's not just a statement, it's a call to action - if the person believes what you said, then they will act like it.
In my classroom last week, a parent came in and did a team building activity with our class. The students counted off into 5 groups. One group stood at a time, while the rest of the class sat at their desks with their heads down (no peeking!). The parent read statements like "tap someone's shoulder who you look up to" and the group that was standing would go around the room tapping their classmates shoulders. The taps were anonymous and they could tap as many people as they wanted to.  The groups rotated, so everyone had a chance to tap shoulders. After each round, students would lift their heads up and they were beaming. They were counting the taps they got. At the end of the activity, students shared some of the things that surprised them. They said things like, "I got tapped for being creative, I never thought I was creative!" and "Someone tapped me for having a big heart, and that made me feel really happy."
Everyone left the class that day feeling great. Especially my students who don't hear positive things about themselves nearly enough. Those students who are always getting in trouble and being told how "bad" they are - they need to hear that they're important, that they matter and that they bring value to the world. I was especially carefully to give those students taps, and not only did they feel good to get that recognition, but it felt really good to give it. I think that we often don't tell people how much they matter because it feels silly or stupid to say, but when you do say it, it feels so good! We all need to hear that we matter, so start telling people that they do!